First Date

The neighborhood was one of post war suburban sprawl, her car in the drive; she was waiting, easier for me than her I suspect at least I was in motion. It's always the same, no one appears in pictures as they really are, and it's that combination of spirit and soul that when added to the mix a life is born and at that moment the real truth is revealed; the depth, the intellect, the joy and even pain. She was nicer looking in person, a pleasant surprise not always the case in situations such as these. And thrown into the mix was her Mother, an elderly woman with a certain spark in her eye and a comfortable confidence. Unusual to meet so soon but I liked the peace of her and more importantly having the opportunity to meet a part of her. The part of her that gave her the precious gift of life, if not for her….she… would not be.
I watched; long limbs and squared shoulders and a beautiful neck like Grace Kelly, beauty is in the details and in her I searched; her hair was more auburn than brown but brought out her eyes, her eyebrows were thin and appeared black and I wondered if that was her real hair color. I listened to her Mom, her niece and to her. I heard the words but watched; her. She was very slender, she was just right, she didn't know it but she was. She has a couple of things that I would change but she'll never know and I will never tell her because what can't be changed shouldn't be revealed after all none of us are perfect. I knew for certain I would be proud to have her with me anywhere, with anyone.
And she's intelligent, not with formal education but pure intellect which makes her quick and desirable to me. She's one of those people that literally could have been anything she wanted but we have little control over our journey sometimes. Her education, her pay, her title was all irrelevant to me. I would take of those earthly financial needs if things came to pass. All I wanted was to know if we had a shared destiny, a fulfillment of our mutual call by the Almighty.
My God she could talk, like a 13 year old, hardly a break for air, but I didn't mind it gave me time to take her in. I hated where we went, and wanted to leave the public nature of it all but at least my leg could touch hers under the table a detail not lost on me, it's always in the details. I just wanted out of there, and the first time I held her hand was then on the way out, I just took it, felt her long fingers, longer than any other, at that point I sensed what may have been a hint of uneasiness but in the truck that disappeared and I think she enjoyed my touch.
Maybe she enjoyed my delicate touch but she didn't reveal it one way or another. I just stroked the top of her hand, a slight touch of her wrist, brushed her hair once with my hand, it's always in the details. I sang to her, which I hoped may have been a new experience for her, I sang John Mayer's "Our love was comfortable and so broken in" because that song represents my greatest yearning, just that perfect peace that only soul-mate's can share that has always eluded me and I suspect her.
I'm not sure she knows what it's like to receive the gift of love from a man, the capacity of a man to adore her and treat as precious. To be given pleasure, comfort, protection just as a simple gift an expression of one's love to another, quite frankly I'm not sure I do. Only through people outside my lover's circle have I received that kind of unconditional giving.
Sushi was a test, to see if she had the capacity to expose herself to something new, the first time we said grace together. Although I desired to reveal to her my home she opted to delay which was the right thing to do. I just wanted to expose her to me, the details of this and that, but in the final analysis I would have yearned to be encased in her arms and her body and at this stage we both would have both regretted it, if she even would desire me which I've yet to find out. Instead we returned to her Mother's home and sadly we had little time alone because as we settled on the couch her Mother returned from church. Not that I didn't enjoy her presence just would have coveted a few minutes of peace and privacy with her.
But I was happy, content, and took grasp of her ankle with my hand again no feed back, no reciprocation, but that's okay maybe she needs for the first time in her life to be reached out for without any expectation of HAVING to return or maybe it was just her Mom so near, it's always in the details…. I decided to finally depart, her Mother as if sensing our need for privacy disappeared and I hugged her, kissed her cheek for the first time and asked for a kiss which I immediately sensed trepidation but it was quick, and on my way out I tested it again wondering did she want to kiss me? or was it the environment that prohibited it?
As is always the case you never know what the future holds, never know if you'll see the person again but I wanted to really touch her to give her a physical revelation of me to fill in that piece of the puzzle. And at least from my end I felt a sense of sadness that she didn't get a chance to feel my touch, to kiss me deeply, open up to me in a physical way that might cause her to feel a subtle inner yearning for Shawn, to begin the process of possibly creating an "US".
But maybe God through his Spirit is the better one to illicit that in her without my carnal assistance. He knows her details better than I, and in love and passion it's always: in the details.